An Open Letter to George Luca...oh wait a minute

So I was all ready to give my thoughts on the Disney/Lucasfilm merger, when I started to think about Star Wars.

I mean really think about Star Wars.

REALLY think.

Okay.

So in Star Wars (Episode 4, "A New Hope", the one from 1977, whatever...) Luke Han and Chewie go and rescue Leia from the detention block on the Death Star.

And it goes tits up pretty fast and they're screwed.

And Leia's bright idea is to shoot the cover off an access shaft to a trash compactor.

And when they all get down in the compactor, a monster tries to eat Luke.

Everybody remember that?

Good. Here's my thing: how did the monster get into the trash compactor?

...

Yeah, you can see where this is headed right?

Let's look at the facts.

The Death Star is an artificial space station. It was BUILT. So for the trash compactor monster to be in the trash compactor, it had to have gotten there because someone wanted it to be there.

Who?

The Empire? Why? Does it eat trash? Is the trash compactor monster some kind of "green" waste reduction scheme put in place to placate Gungan demands?

Doubtful. It DID try to EAT Luke remember. Why would a waste eating scavenger try to eat the one thing that's moving in a sea of otherwise "easy pickings"?

Which leaves the only other reason I can think of: it's some kind of security protocol to prevent prison escapes. You break out of your cell, pry open the cover and slide down into a pool of waste and it eats you.

Again, doubtful. Why would the Empire have a carnivorous beast in an out of the way location when it's troops are supposed to be the best of the best and stop any escape attempt before it happens. What do they do then? Just send random Imperials down to feed it?

So then how'd it get there?

Was it there by accident?

Did somebody buy it as a pet when it was small and flush it when it got too big? Like the legendary alligators in the New York sewer system?

And if it got flushed, then who flushed it?

And that's when it hit me.  Some kid.

The Death Star is a big ass place. And it was designed as a long term space station. Guys stationed there are there for years. So maybe they have families. Ya know that stormtrooper that clunks his head on the door of the control room when they bust in and find R2 and 3PO? Maybe he's got a wife and 2.3 kids. And maybe Junior got a pet monster at some sleazy spaceport before he got shipped off to Dad's new post. And Mom flushed it when she found out. And so "Fluffy" just swam around the Death Star's sewage system eating organic trash and growing until one day this twerp in shiny white armor steps on it and it strikes.

Which is a truly terrifying idea if you think about it.

Not the twerp in armor thing, the idea of stormtroopers having kids.

Because Luke blew up the Death Star.

And everybody on board died.

EVERYBODY.

Which means if stormtroopers have families then those families on the Death Star died too.

And Luke Skywalker killed them.

That's right, Luke Skywalker, Hero of the Rebellion...is a Baby Killer.

Why? Because we like you...



Hi! Here's a little number I wrote back in 2000 when Dinosaurs still roamed the Earth and you were still just a twinkle in your father's eye (What? It could've happened...):

 

The Afterlife
a short play by Matt Dow
Copyright 2000 by Matt Dow
a subsidy of Dave and Betsy Dow since 1979

Cast:
Jack...........................................................................................The dearly departed
Mrs. Smith................................................................................The grieving mother
Madam Grace.....................................A world renowned Medium (part time large)
Megan....................................................................The departed's sister (a believer)
William................................................................The departed's brother (a skeptic)
Roberts......................................................Mrs Smith's butler (and another skeptic)

        Scene one: the Smith home.  It is the third anniversary of Jack Smith's death.  His mother, brother, sister, and the world renowned medium (and part time large) Madam Grace have gathered to try and speak to Jack in the afterlife.  As the curtain lifts Megan and William are talking FRONT STAGE LEFT 

WILLIAM: Megan, I can't believe you're encouraging mother with this psychic nonsense.  It's ridiculous, this Madam Grace is nothing but a fraud. 
MEGAN: You mustn't say that William, Madam Grace is world renowned. Besides Mother needs this, it's closure. You know poor Jack's death in that car crash shook her to no end.

        Mrs. Smith and Madam Grace enter from STAGE RIGHT followed by Roberts. Roberts is carrying a small table.

MRS. SMITH: Oh thank you for coming Madam Grace.  It is an honor to have a medium of your stature in my home.
ROBERTS (to audience): And it's amazing the home can withstand her stature.
MADAM GRACE: If we speak to Jack, then the honor is mine Mrs. Smith.

        Roberts places the table FRONT STAGE CENTER and starts to gather five chairs, William and Megan help.

MADAM GRACE: Please tell me a little about Jack. 
MRS. SMITH: Oh, he was a wonderful boy, played track in college.  Went all the way to the nationals.  His coach thought he could have been an Olympian if he hadn't... If he hadn't... hadn't...Oh Jack (starts crying).

        Megan comes over and she and Madam Grace comfort Mrs. Smith as William and Roberts finish getting ready by turning down lights. 

MADAM GRACE: There there now Mrs. Smith, in all the years I've been a medium I've reunited hundreds of people with their loved ones on the other side. 
MRS. SMITH: Oh Madam Grace do you really think you can help me contact my Jack?
MADAM GRACE: Of course I do Mrs. Smith.  Now if everyone is ready Please sit around the table and join hands.          

Everyone sits around the table in the following order: Megan, Mrs. Smith, Madam Grace, William, and Roberts Leaving a space so the audience can see all of them. 

MADAM GRACE: I shall begin.  I beg ye, oh mystic voices of the cosmos, help us to contact one who has departed the mortal plane three years hence.  Please help us to contact Jack Smith, oh great and wise benefactors I beg of thee.  Ohwha!
EVERYONE (after a little prompting from Madam Grace): Ohwha!
MADAM GRACE: Tafoo!
EVERYONE:Tafoo!
MADAM GRACE: Liam!
EVERYONE: Liam!
MADAM GRACE (pretending to go into a trance): Ooooommmmm.  Ooooooommmmmm.
Ooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  Jack Smith can you hear me?

From off stage THE GHOSTLY VOICE OF JACK SMITH:Yes.

        Everyone is shocked, especially Madam Grace, she was faking it.

MRS. SMITH:Jack? Son is that you?
JACK (less ghostly): Yes mother.
MADAM GRACE:Jack will you speak to us?
JACK (his voice is almost normal now): Yes.
MRS. SMITH: Oh Jack what is it like on the other side?
JACK (his voice is totally normal now): Dark.
MEGAN: You mean a bleak world of black and white, full of shadow and totally depressing beyond all human understanding? 
JACK: No, it's dark, as in no light.  The opposite of bright, ya know, dark.
MRS. SMITH: Oh Jack have you seen God?
JACK: Yes.
WILLIAM: What did he look like?
JACK: He had a flashlight.
MRS. SMITH: Did he say anything to you?
JACK: I couldn't really hear him and he was walking away from me, and when I started to follow I tripped.
WILLIAM: You tripped?
JACK: Yeah, it happens a lot. 
MRS. SMITH: Jack, I recently found out that I'm going to die in the next six months, is there anything I can do to prepare myself for the afterlife?
JACK: Yeah, bring matches.
WILLIAM (mockingly): Because it's dark?
JACK: No, a couple of the other guys are smokers, and they dropped their matches.
WILLIAM: I find that a little hard to believe.
JACK: It's true, in fact most of the guys I've met are smokers, unfortunately they didn't bring cigarettes or matches.
MADAM GRACE: Jack have you met anyone famous?  Like a Philosopher or something?
JACK: I think I might have bumped into Elvis.
WILLIAM: Elvis? 
JACK: Yeah, I bumped into this guy and when I apologized he said, "Not a problem" he had a southern accent and was kinda fat, plus a few days later he sang a pretty good "Blue Suede Shoes".
MADAM GRACE: Have you met anyone else?  Someone with a message for the world of the living maybe?
JACK: No, not really.  Like I said, it's pretty dark.
ROBERTS: Master Jack, are you trying to say that the entire afterlife is some big, dark room where everyone walks around bumping into each other?
JACK: Well, yeah.  Pretty much.
MEGAN: Jack I need to know... 
JACK (interrupting her): Listen I gotta go. Mom, I'll see you when you get here, er, I mean I'll feel around for you when you get here.  It was nice talking to everybody. Bye.
MRS. SMITH: Jack, Jack are you there?
MADAM GRACE: No, I'm afraid the connection has been severed.
WILLIAM: I just don't believe it.  Dark?
MEGAN: That's what he said.
ROBERTS: Hey we learned one thing.
MADAM GRACE: Oh really, what's that?
ROBERTS: Elvis is dead.
                          Curtain closes.


There ya go. If any of you theatrical types wanna put on a show all I ask is that you include my name and the copyright information. (Posting pictures and video online is also appreciated.) (And large sacks of money are too.)

So...what's happening...

In which I run down where Mouse Skull Entertainment is...

Let's see, what's the state of the union:

• Racecar Comics issue #6 is drawn and ready to be printed. The idea is to do it as "Print Upon Request" where I'll print only when I have enough orders to justify going to the copy store. This issue will probably have a Dave Sim variant cover, but I gotta figure out how I wanna run that. Buy four get one free? Just pay extra for the variant? I dunno, that gets tied up in...
• The Official Mouse Skull Entertainment Seventh Annual "Going Out Of Style" Sale. Which at this point is pretty pathetic since I'm pretty sure issue #4 of Racecar comics is the only issue I have on hand. All the other issues are out of print (mainly because I usually only print 25 copies,) and I don't know if I wanna print up a bunch or convert them all to "Print Upon Request".
• Isssue #7 of Racecar comics is "plotted" and the first few pages are drawn. At this point, it's getting time to draw and figuring out if I'm headed where I think I am.
• The 2012 Christmas Card is also "plotted" and I just need to make the time.
• glamourpuss #25/zootanapuss #4 is out there and available from your better comic shops and online stores.

I also have the copies Dave Sim sent me which are tied up in the "Going Out Of Style" Sale. I need to write out the Bonus "Making of glamourpuss #25/zootanapuss #4 page 10" booklet I want to include with them. More time, ugh...

• Let's see... I still need to do the "Iguana VS Beer Origin Issue" of Racecar comics and use the pages Jeff Tundis did for me...YEARS AGO
  



• Oh, and I'm thinking about doing a Kickstarter for my old webcomic "Action Figures Inc.", but I gotta talk to the Art-Monkey to see if he wants to upgrade all the old strips and then see how much a nice book will cost to get printed.

So that's where I'm at. Thoughts?

And now:

THE OLD "PLUGOLA"

So Talented Writer/Artist and my Occasional Acquaintance and Pseudo-Boss* Dave Sim:

Seen here practicing his infamous "James Dean" impersonation

is currently gearing up for the release of HIGH SOCIETY AUDIO DIGITAL over at http://www.cerebusdownloads.com/ and is looking to plug that as much as possible. To wit, he wants to get "The Paragraph" in the eyes of everybody he can:

HIGH SOCIETY AUDIO DIGITAL, the graphic novel project that raised $63,000 on Kickstarter in June to finance its conversion to A/D (Audio Digital) format is almost here.  Graphic novelist Dave Sim brings his classic best-selling black and white 1982 graphic novel (FIVE STARS in most graphic novels guides) to life reading all of the narration AND performing the voices of his entire cast of dozens of characters.  All 500 pages have been digitally remastered from the original artwork, original negatives and reconstructions (the original negatives for 130 pages were destroyed in an apartment fire in August).  The first 20-page installment is a FREE download starting October 10 at www.cerebusdownloads.com.  VIEW "TRAILER" AT http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/189735833/cerebus-high-society-special-audio-visual-digital FOR A SMALL TASTE OF THIS AWESOME PROJECT

He's got a five minute preview up at www.cerebusdownloads.com right now.

So download the preview, love it, and spread the word, and on the tenth, get the FREE first issue, That's right, I said FREE.

Who doesn't love FREE stuff?

Commies, that's who.

Don't be a Commie.

Get HIGH SOCIETY AUDIO DIGITAL today! Er...I mean on October 10th.

*I mean I worked with him on glamorpuss #25

Which you should go buy too.

Welcome!

Hello, and WELCOME to the OFFCIAL Mouse Skull Entertainment Blog!

(Not to be confused with the absoulute crap knock-off Mouse Skull Entertainment Blogs.)

((You can tell it's a knock-off if the humor is sub-par and 90% of the jokes are variation's of Yakov Smirnoff's "what a country" bit.))

I'm Matt Dow, President and only employee.

Let the entertainments begin:

What A Country!?!